Lorry fare for Jesus

‘Hoziyaana…Hozanna, Hoziyaana…Hozanna, Hoziyaana yɛ nwɛ shonnnng…!Awwww my world! Nostalgic! Easter those days! Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory!

When a man is angry with the wife and wants to express it, he would refuse to eat his wife’s food – a mundane strategy that doesn’t work these days. But what will a woman reject from her husband when she is also angry with him? Give her money and see if she won’t take. In the case of my wife, when I give her money, she won’t reject it oo; she will take it, then she will go to the bathroom, shower herself and will walk out naked in front of me with tears of water dripping down her body in the bedroom. Then she would bend down as if she is looking for something under the bed. Ala! At this point, even when you are fasting, you would break it to go and ‘smoke a peace pipe’ with her! KwawuooooKwawu! Easter is here and its Thursdayyyyyyyyyy! Hahaaaaa! Mrs Esther Amankwah, hope you would continue your birthday celebration at Kwawu Pepease this weekend. Have a blast, Sis!

Massa, the broke wey man broke this Easter er but I caused my own brokement o. Loan repayment here, loan repayment there…mobile money for girls here and there, etc.Ao! No wonder it is said that the best contraceptive for a man is an empty pocket!

Gone are the days we would treat palm Sundays with a lot of religious serious zeal and seriousness. No mobile phones, no electricity at Kisseman, and Christian Village, nothing to boast about but we enjoyed Easter celebrations more.

On Holy Saturday nights, we slept early so that we could wake up as early as 3am to go and look for Jesus in the tomb. When we ‘failed to find him in the tomb’, we would eventually converge at the premises of St. Thomas More Catholic Church at AchimotaCollege or the E.P. Church at Kisseman, where we were told ‘He has risen’!and as kids, we became so joyous. This was done amidst brass band music as we screamed and danced to ‘Hoziyaana…Hozanna, Hoziyaana… Hozanna, Hoziyaana yɛ nwɛ shonnnng… with palm fronds all over! Then we climaxed the festivity with at ajabey (picnic) at Achimota playing fields! Oh my days!

Something happened to me again oo, yeeeei! There was this national service lady I’d wanted but I don’t know what for! I was ready to do anything for her but she is hard to catch! Ready to do anything for her just bcos of ‘bad mind’, I honoured her invitation to her church last palm Sunday. It was dangerously awesome! Then they said it was time for offertory. I didn’t know this Church was a ‘one-stop collection shop’ for water bills, electricity bills, income tax, property tax, VAT, excise duty, put together! eei!

They announced the time for the offering and I proudly gave GHC50 and made sure everyone saw it so they can give me fans though this was in contravention of Jesus’ principles that when the left hand gives, the right hand must not see! I thought that was all. Then there was Kofi kɛ Ama. I pretended I didn’t know the day I was born but I managed something small. Then came offertory for pastor’s lost cat, so offering bowl was opened.

The next thing was that we were going to build a house for the Lord at Ablekuma.

Then Pastor stood up and announced that we were going to take a special offering in respect of lorry fare for Jesus! To where? Eish! At this point I pretended I had received a call, went out of the Chapel and ran away! I had earlier pledged GHC5,000 to the Church to build a house for God; I won’t step there sef again. Me? Kai. E bi me kill Jesus! Haaba!

Pastor even added that the lorry fare offering was for Jesus to take uberr to Gethsemane so the money should be heavy small.

After all of these ‘church expenses’ too, my inviter lady promised me a night out last Tuesday after work and switched her phone off la. After all I have ‘done for her o. Just this morning she sent me a message saying it was the Holy Spirit who warned her not to go out with a married man! Really? Next time we shall see! Come and invite me again. Walahi!

Building a house for God? Wow!‘I am going to Church now and when I come back, you would see my other side’. Really? This was what I heard someone telling the husband while on her way to church. Yes la!

Then in the Church to which I was invited ‘Shall we prayyyy! Oya; as we pray, bind all your enemies and call on the Holy Ghost fire to consume them now now now! Let’s prayyyyy! Hraaaaaababababababababababa! Holy Ghooooost…..fayaaaaaa.I say Holy Ghooooost, fayaaaaaa! No problem!

If these fires were physical, I don’t think all the employees of the Fire Service would be enough to quench the fire burning you and I every hour bcos one way or the other, everyone is an obstacle to another’s progress hence the fires!

You see many people want to be like David bcos of his name and many of his heroic feats and how God loved him. King Saul killed thousands and he, David killed tens of thousands. He killed Goliath and all of these victories were sanctioned by God, according to the Bible! Now David wanted to build a house for God. God says no way, my friend; your hands are bloody! ‘Oh how, Boss?, asks David, ‘I have fought many wars, killed many people including Goliath and so many other things and I believe you gave me the strength to achieve all of these! ‘Yes, that’s true’, says God ‘but I can’t associate with a house you have built for me with your bloody hands. Yes, I might have sanctioned your energy but I am God of love, strength, inspiration, confidence, healing, patience, forgiveness, the God of peace, the God of freedom, God for everyone. I am not saying you did anything bad or unjustifiable but I am sorry, I won’t accept the house you want to build for me. These are my values and they are contrary to your ‘human’ values.You are a great man, but I am sorry, my paddy’.

David was disappointed bcos the whole of mankind praised him and God Himself loved David but why?

Unlike David but similar to Jesus, Jesus healed the sick, fed the hungry, and did marvelous miracles. Why did he not allow the ears of Judas to remain cut off? He says we should turn the other cheek to be slapped when we get slapped on one cheek. How? What do you mean? I would slap back p333 like those who say, I am not a fool! Jesus had all the powers he could have used to stop his killers from killing him wrongfully and justifiably so but he did not. In his parabolic moments, he asked that the person who has never sinned should be the one to throw stones at the woman found in adultery. It’s all about forgiveness.

Rather on the cross at the point of death, he muttered: ‘Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing’. Would you do that? Pontius Pilate upheld the recommendations of his people even though he didn’t find a single wrongful deed of Jesus. Would Jesus have been justified if he had, at that point, called on God to send down Holy Ghost fire to consume his killers and their supporters? Why not, but how would he be remembered? As the Jesus who healed the sick, did miracles and still forgave his detractors or the Jesus who did a lot of good including calling on God to send down gas and match stick to consume his killers?

 In Mosaic days and in contemporary times, that would have been described as ‘self defence’abi? The countries that preach PEACE today throw more bombs than any other country, the reason we are still in this state of a chaotic world!

If you are the Boss and you have sacked someone for an offence, you haven’t done anything wrong o but the effects on the family of that sacked person? Hmmm! If you have been sacked unfairly from work and you call on the Holy Ghost fire to come down and consume that Boss who dismissed you, you may still be right but are you being the Christian of Jesus or the Christian of David?

Easter is all about FORGIVENESS!

Let LOVE (GOD) lead! Happy Easter!