There are times that you lose confidence in who you are because perhaps you were not told how beautiful you are.
I don’t think my dad or my mum ever told me I am beautiful, I guess they never really invested on making me aware of how uniquely amazing I was. I don’t blame them, they pretty much grew up the same way and obviously might not have seen the need for reaffirmation or making me aware of who I was.
I watched a video some days ago about a girl who was auditioning for a very popular talent show and she had been bullied so many times. While I was watching she sang her own songs and I started to reflect and ask myself if I was ever bullied. All this while I felt I had not but then I realized I had been, I just didn’t realise that was what it was.
It’s very important to note that I just came to this realization when I really thought about it. We have been treated in ways that made us sad and feel like we are not good enough or pretty enough especially when you haven’t discovered who you are on your own or no one really bothered to enlighten you at all. I want you to start reflecting on this.
Gradually we have parents who take the pains to help their children identify themselves and build self-confidence. I didn’t have any of that when I entered secondary school. I found myself with people who made me feel like I was nothing and I allowed them to. I didnt bother making any defence, I accepted it. I stayed in my corner and minded my own business. There is alot of potential in me and if you have met me or encountered me, you would know exactly what I am talking about.
I am not slim and for the better part of my life people made it a point to remind me I was big to the point I felt I was ugly. There were times they would make fun because I was not dating anyone and that meant no one was interested in me, I accepted it gladly. You know years back I look at my pictures and I ask myself why did I even accept those theories and I never shared it with anyone.
Another time I recall I had a particular position in class exams which was posted on our school notice board and these people made sure everyone knew I didnt deserve because they did better than me but I was ranked higher than them. I didn’t bother saying anything back I just accepted that I was just lucky and I didn’t deserve it.
There is an incident that broke me down when my classmate shouted at me like I was a maid in her house because I was trying to get some questions from her in front of her school boyfriend. I cried a little, held up my tears and went to my bed I cried my heart out. I told no one, I felt so embarrassed even the guy thought it was wrong but she still said all the mean things to me.
I hold nothing against those people today, I let it all slide in my innocence but believe me I should have known better.
I lacked confidence in my person, I was treated the way I saw myself.
Another experience growing up, I met this guy I really liked I mean the first time I saw him, my heart was beating very fast. I hoped he will take my contact which he did. We got to know each other, I was all over this guy because I was into him so much.
I didnt want to lose him so I virtually threw myself at him; calling him alot of times, he won’t pick and he ignored me. Yet, I would gladly go to meet him whenever he asked. He would say all sorts of things to me yet I never gave up expecting things to work.
I had still not gotten the full grasp of what I am worth. I wanted him to want me because I wanted him, not that no one came my way but I never had any interest in them. This was the one person I wanted. I think he knew that I wanted him badly so he equally played with my emotions .
One time, I got a call from him a bit tipsy and he told me he wanted me, I was so happy.
Things remained the same when he became sober the next day.hahaha I dont want pity I just want you to understand me.
I lived on the hope that he would one day return my affections and that would make me so happy so I held on to him.
There was a point I was supposed to get that the guy was just joking. He made his friend call and take me out for a date but I told his friend I was interested in that guy and not him.
That was my signal but silly me I kept holding on perhaps prayed too.
Onetime I called as usual and this guy enjoyed my conversation so he still led me on and whenever he was bored he would call and we would talk for hours. If you know me or been a friend you know I love having long conversations and so I am good at it. Call me when you’re bored and let’s have a hearty chat.
So after a long chat he finally threw the bombshell which woke “sleeping beauty”. He told me point blank that he will never date me; that I wasn’t his type and even though I had a lot of good qualities he would choose someone else over me anyday. He said he would be glad if I helped him get a girlfriend. I said “Thank you” and that was the last time I ever called him.
I remember those words so vividly as he said them to me. I just realized I had lowered myself to a level where someone could utter those words to me all because I lacked confidence.
Most people parade themselves around everyday not knowing that they are worth so much, one word from someone can break them down.
You never felt good enough because you don’t have faith in your person. You’re perfect just the way you are.
Everyone says you’re loud but there are some days we need a loud person. Use your traits to make something for yourself. When you walk into a room, let your presence be felt. Your stretch marks, your “L or K” shaped legs, your red lips, your black lips, your huge thighs, your thin arms everything about you comes together to make you the awesome person you are.
It doesn’t matter what I think about it, it’s what you think about you that matters because I will earn the right to make fun of you once you allow me to see that you’re not confident in it.
People stutter because of the fear and anticipation that people are expecting it, it’s in your mind. Its high time you realized that you have all the power to be awesome but only if you accept who you are and channel those things into making a better you.
People will always criticize and belittle you every opportunity they get. Block out every negativity. It’s not easy but sit down and asses yourself and know who you are and you will realise that you’re unique and no one around you can be you.
Please step out and be unapologetically yourself, if someone doesn’t like it well that’s their problem.
I got a lot happier when I realized this. I want you to be happy too. If you’re a parent don’t forget to tell your children how beautiful and amazing people they are.
Make it a point to clearly tell people how beautiful or amazing they are to you.
We all need it, I need you to tell me and I will tell you so we can be happier people.
Monica Maakor Otumfuor…….God’s special treasure…..cheers to you!No tags for this post.