What do model train sets and women’s breasts have in common? Well, both are intended for children, but it’s the fathers that always end up playing with them.
They are nature’s original milk jug, mounds of flesh that come in varying shapes and sizes and can be dressed in an endless array of fabrics and designs. They are breasts, and while their design is purely utilitarian, they have been worshipped by cultures around the world since the dawn of time. Whether you know them as sweater kittens, air bags or blouse bunnies, there is no debating that female breasts have unusually prominent place in society. What is the root of men’s double-D-fixation? The answer might surprise you.
Men find breasts calming
In a linear world full of hard edges and harder realities, breasts are soft, welcoming and non threatening (kind of like Al Roker). With their obvious connection to breastfeeding, and by extension childhood, breasts remind us of our halcyon days when our mothers protected us from all the world’s evils.
Breasts are a symbol of fertility
A-cup or Z-cup, breasts define femininity in the same way that channel surfing and participating in fantasy sports leagues define masculinity. Breasts hint at a woman’s ability to nurture and sustain life. They also point to a woman’s capacity to breed, as they signal the onset of puberty.
It’s a matter of natural selection
According to Charles Darwin and his theory of evolution, we subconsciously select partners who are healthy and appear capable of reproduction – all of which explains why the frail Darwin had so much time to write books rather than go out on dates.
According to his research, men are attracted to bazooms (especially the more shapely variety) because they are indicative of a strong constitution and an ability to further propagate the species. Although reproduction is no longer our top priority, this instinct remains despite centuries of evolution. (much like our own nipples)
Breasts are key in arousing women
Any good lover knows that a woman’s breasts are closely connected to her primary libidinal zone. Therefore, another reason we like breasts is that we know if we handle these bikini stuffers properly, we can bring women to a state of heightened sexual arousal. Failing that, we can at least tell our friends we managed to get to second base.
Who among us hasn’t used a woman’s breast to play an engaging game like ‘Tune In to Tokyo’? More than just a milk delivery system, breasts are also a world of entertainment right at your fingertips. Let’s face it: there’s a reason why they’re commonly known as ‘fun bags’.
Men are stimulated visually
Unlike women who can be aroused by reading a single passage in a Harlequin romance novel, men require visual stimulation. It’s hardly surprising then that breasts, raised and perky as they often are, receive our obsessive attention. After all, apart from genitalia, breasts are a woman’s most well-defined physical feature. Better yet, ask her bra salesman.
Clearly, it’s not all a matter of biology, particularly when you consider that humans are the only animals who include breast fondling as part of the mating process. Then again, we’re also the only animals who use nipple clamps and sex swings, so perhaps comparing ourselves to other species is a bit rash. Therefore, let’s turn our attention to society.
One of the primary reasons we’re breast obsessed is because society encourages our fixation. Pick up any magazine and you’re bound to see more cleavage than in the Grand Canyon. The same is true of bus ads, fashion catalogs and every other manner of marketing material.
Breasts have spawned not only their own film and plastic surgery industries, but also their own restaurant chain (take that, testicles!). If advertising is powerful enough to make millions of people, it’s little wonder that it has the ability to keep knockers in our thoughts 24 hours a day.
Breasts have the allure of Taboo
The erotic allure of breasts is further heightened by the fact that these “glands for the hands” are supposed to be kept under wraps and away from view. As Jerry Seinfeld so adroitly pointed out, if women kept their heads covered instead of their breasts, we’d all be heading down to the corner store to pick up the latest copy of Heads Illustrated. We always want that which we cannot have, and in that regard, breasts are the ultimate forbidden fruit.
Keeping abreast of the issues
Men are often accused of speaking to a woman’s chest rather than her face, but are we really to blame? Our attraction to these “prisoners of the Playtex penitentiary” is simultaneously physical, psychological and societal. Therefore, go out and celebrate the breast. In fact, go out and celebrate a pair of them.